Why, God?

There's a line in the movie "The Preacher's Wife" that Denzel Washington says when the little boy's friend is being sent to a foster home in another city. The little boy runs to his room crying, and Dudley (the angel played by Denzel) watches Hakim (the little boy's friend) get in the car and ride away,looks upward, and says-

"I know you have a master plan, Lord. But sometimes you just don't make sense."

I don't think I ever really said how much of a refresher Mid-Winter was. It was amazing. I felt God more then, than I had in a long, long time. Bro.Goodman preached a message on Saturday morning that spoke to me so much. He spoke about how many kids leave camp or youth retreat or a rally and feel God. And then 2 weeks later, they feel nothing and have abandoned that rush that they felt at camp or retreat or rally. After the service, I was up front, weeping before God. I was one of those kids. That description was so me. I stood there, and images of so many people rushed through my head.

Hayley.

Deedee.

Dane.

Jalisa.

These people are members of our youth group who at one point or another were incredibly steadfast in their walk with God. They came to youth things and were so dedicated and committed. Our youth group has shrunk in the past year. At that moment, I made a promise to God that I was not going to be like them. I was not going to change. I was going to take what I received, and not only keep it after the retreat, but I was going to spread it and display it to others if it killed me.

I have tried so hard. Not just me. A whole group of us in the youth group have made extreme efforts to turn our church around and begin a revival. There's a group supporting each other and doing the BREAD chart. There's a group fasting every Thursday. We've made efforts to change our attitudes and think more positively.

We knew there would be opposition. But we didn't know it would be this bad.

A few days later, Ratchol broke up with her fiance. School has been getting the best of me. Elisha is gone. My friend Cassie, who doesn't even go to church with us, lost a friend in an accident. My best friend, who isn't even IN church, lost her grandmother.

Hit after hit has come against us. And for what?

For the past 2 weeks, since Mid-Winter and I made that promise to God, it seems like every time we think it can't get worse, we're proved wrong. It makes me angry and frustrated. I want to cry and punch things and go insane.

I talked to Ratchol today, and I told her that I'm to the point where people get, when they just want to throw in the towel and say, "God, I know you're omniscient. But have you ANY idea what you're doing?"

I don't doubt God. I will never turn my back on him. I know I have truth. I know there is a reason for all of this. I know I will be stronger for this. I know God has said that he will never put on us more than we can bear. I know God doesn't lie, so that must be true. I know he has a plan.

I just need to learn to deal with it.

When you're praying tomorrow...

Dawn's kids have their custody hearing starting tomorrow. Pray that God's will be done, no matter what it may be and for everyone involved to have peace of mind about the situation.

And now (finally) a church scene from Mid-Winter..

Bloggy Following!!!

You somewhat tolerate me! You really somewhat tolerate me!

I have been blogging for 2 years on June 6. I got a call from my much loved youth leader Sis.Redmond asking me where my blog was at, and a comment on my flocking post. I have found out, that although they don't always comment (*ahem* hint there), I have a good blog following from my church. Mistie reads it, Ratchol (hahaha) reads it, the Hammans read it, and several others. I love you guys much. I know I am just a stupid teenager sometimes with not much to say, but thank you to my church family who reads this, and to other people whom I have never met, such as Sarah "The Mouse" and JAM. Thank you so much for reading my blog, people.

Just comment me some more, ok?


And because I love you so much, here's another phobia video.



I guess that I can't make fun of the first one. I'm terrified of pigeons. No lie.

Mid-Winter Report

This weekend was the glorious Mid-Winter Youth Retreat. A complete and total blast, I must say. My favorite preacher, Rev. Mark Johnston, was the speaker, and the music was coordinated by IBC Praise. On Friday night, service began at 8 PM, but Bro.Johnston didn't get into the pulpit until about 10. He preached about "Jacob's Passion", taking his scripture from the story of the birth of Jacob and Esau. (I say this because I don't remember the exact text)

Before their birth, Rebekah could sense that something was wrong with the baby she was carrying. The way Bro. Johnston put it, he said that things became so bad that Rebekah probably wished that Isaac's prayer that her womb would be opened (she was barren for 19 years) had never been prayed. She went to the Lord and asked her why this was happening to her. God answered-(Genesis 25:23)

The LORD said to her,

"Two nations are in your womb,

and two peoples from within you will be separated;

one people will be stronger than the other,

and the older will serve the younger."


When Esau and Jacob were born, Esau came out first, very red and hairy. Isaac and Rebekah named him Esau because of what he looked like. When Jacob came out, he was clutching onto his brothers heel. This showed some form of struggle. Jacob saw an opportunity to take advantage of the chance to get out first. This is because he had a purpose. He didn't know what it was, he might not have even been very aware of it yet, but he had a purpose and he was eager to get to it quickly. Bro.Johnston continued to go through the different trials that Jacob faced, showing his passion to see God, until he finally wrestled with God. The big difference between the two brothers was that Jacob was named for his passion, he sought to see God, he was not appeased by the status quo, and strove to do more than was needed, while Esau was named for his appearance, sought to maintain for the moment, was happy to remain in his comfort zone, and was happy to just squeak by. There are plenty of Christians out in the world today who are Esaus. They look the part. They are so focused on the outward appearance that they have lost their burden for the lost and all they will ever be known for is being "the girl with the long hair and skirt", their appearance, and never reach their full potential. Then there are the Jacobs. They strive to make a difference. They have a passion, a calling. They will do something great for God. And the thing about them is that they are the person that you would least expect to be used greatly. They are the ones who don't have the money to dress right, or don't look the part. They are the outcasts, the ones everyone makes fun of. They don't care. All they know is that they have a passion and will do whatever it takes to achieve it. The alter call was amazing. People deep in prayer, crying and worshipping. There was such a great presence of the Lord in that place.

After service was over, we headed off to the Chiller for food, fellowship, and ice-skating. I love this part of the retreat because it is the one time between camp and camp that we get to see all of our friends. The guy I have like for ever (hence known as 9-year-guy or 9YG) was there and much to my dismay, had decided to attempt to grow a goatee. Ew. It looked like he had seriously missed a spot shaving. I felt like going up to him and saying "9YG, you know, you look like a weed-hacker decided to attempt to eat your face." But I refrained. And his dad made him shave it off before this mornings service. I knew I liked him.

We got back from the Chiller at about 3 AM. We went to bed at 4:30 AM. I got up at 7:45. Not good times. I took a shower, and made myself look beautiful (I actually think I looked semi-cute, too IMNSHO) Bro. Johnston preached again on a similar topic. The title was "Where is the next Shamgar?"

Judges 3:31
And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

Shamgar had been told from the time of his birth that his people were worth next to nothing. The Philistines had encaptured his people and disarmed them. They took their swords and spears but allowed them to keep their ox goads. For those of you (like me) who don't know what an ox goad is, it is a stick with a pointed end, for prodding oxen, and an end shaped into a shovel, for planting. The Philistines only allowed these people to keep the things that allowed them to make their living, to maintain the status quo. They were able to go down to the Philistines camp and sharpen their goads once per year. The Philistines probably thought when they saw Shamgar coming to get the goad sharpened, "Look at that worthless little lazy Israelite. What could he possibly do." And Shamgar took the little that he had, the only weapon allowed to him, and wiped out the Philistines. The signifigance of this, Bro.Johnston said, was that God took something seemingly meaningless, meant to serve a minor purpose in maintaining the norm, and used it to do a mighty work. Because of this, nobody has the excuse to say that they don't have what they need to do something great. God can take the most insignifigant detail, use it, and make it great. It was yet another amazing service.

In short, I highly recommend buying the DVD's or CD's or tapes of the retreat. They are so encouraging and uplifting, and definately worthwhile.

Lovely

This lovely picture was taken by Cherie at church a couple of weeks ago. Possibly the worst picture of me ever. My fault, not hers. Note my dad in the background, wondering whether or not I need therepy.

NAYC

I just returned from North American Youth Congress. This year it was in Columbus, Ohio at Nationwide Arena. It was such a great time! There were about 15,000+ Pentecostal Teenagers there. It was amazing! The speakers in the evening were awesome! Bro. Mark Johnston preached on Thursday night. He preached at Senior High Camp this year and is one of my favorite evangelists. He preached on "Apostolic Dew" and illustrated how our lives and witnessing to people should be with Mountain Dew. The three parts to his message were,

1. The Dew is True- this is pretty much self-explanatory, God's word is true!
2. The Dew is New- the generation of today has new and creative ways of bringing non-believers and backsliders into the church
3. The Dew is You- the last generations power in the church was great, but this generation is the greatest power thus far

The service after that was amazing and the response was unbelievable!