Sometimes, God pops up in weird places.
Tonight was one of those times. I've been reading this book that I bought the other day called "Crave". It has been pretty much rocking my world and has been giving me some new perspectives. That sounds super cliche and like a commercial, but it's really that good. It's all about comfort in a relationship with God and how we tend to get in a zone and don't want to move out of our box and we sometimes like to drag God along with us into our little box, then we get upset when He doesn't fit, etc. Basically, much like the title denotes, it's about renewing a craving for God. Simple enough.
It is insane sometimes how I make connections. They make sense in my own mind, so I'm going to try to spill them out here. I'll try to be logical, but if not, humor me.
I have this issue with accessibility. Meaning, I have it. Meaning, my beloved BlackBerry is attached to me at pretty much all times. Ironically, with the exception of right now when it's in the other room. But that's beside the point.
Two things have made this problem excessively bad.
The first is that I went to school, made friends with people all over the country, and then came back to Ohio. Where they aren't. So I don't see them everyday. So, of course I have to stay in contact with them.
Which leads me to the second thing.
I got an awesome new phone the day after I got home. One of my favorite things about it is that you can assign different ringers for different people, not only when they call you, but for when they TEXT you. Because I very rarely talk on the phone, more because of my friends' lack of interest than mine, the whole text message personalization thing. Is. Awesome. I have about ten people with their own sounds, and it basically indicates whether I really feel like moving to answer the phone or not.
Both of these things being said, I have a few people that I literally talk to everyday. This list is limited to about two or three. And when I say everyday, I mean pretty much daily basis without exception. Which brings me to this insane thing that happened tonight.
I was lying on my couch this evening, had the TV off, was reading my new book, and had literally just leaned back and settled in to read. My phone was on the arm of the couch opposite of where I was, charging. No sooner did I sit back, but my phone went off, and from the sound it was making, I knew that it was one of the people that I talk to pretty much everyday, that I hadn't yet. And then, I did something that I still haven't totally figured out.
I kid you not, I sat straight up in about two seconds flat and lunged for my phone. Lunged. As in, pounced. As in, I attacked that thing like a lion after a zebra on Animal Planet. I have no idea why the heck I did this. I was pretty sure it wasn't going to be urgent (and it wasn't). It's not like I hadn't talked to the person in years (we talked last night. And pretty much everyday before that). There was pretty much absolutely no logical reason for me to have a near-coronary and leap at inhuman speeds to read the fascinating words of wisdom that my friend had to bestow upon me (I say this completely tongue-in-cheek).
Sometimes I'm insane and overreact. Can I get an amen from anyone who has known me for more than two seconds?
So, after I answered this incredibly world-altering message, I got just a little bit convicted. Maybe convicted isn't even the right word for what I felt. But it's pretty darn close. So, we'll keep it. I got convicted.
I am, to a select few that are important to me, accessible pretty much 24/7. I am lucky enough to be friends with some of the best people I have ever met, and because of their awesomeness, I am prone to occasionally dropping everything to share a few quick words with these people, because I love the crap out of them and they know that. If my phone goes off and I know it's them, I'm probably going to answer it and have a big grin on my face while I'm doing it.
When was the last time that God tried to talk to me and I jumped fifty feet to respond to His call? If He were trying to get my attention and share something that was actually important in the grand scheme of things, would I rush out of my comfort and relaxation to listen? When was the last time I dropped everything to answer Him?
I hate to admit this, but the answer to those questions for me is pretty much....
1.) Never that I can think of.
2.) I'd like to say so, but I couldn't honestly say that I do that every time.
3.) Umm....I plead the fifth?
We're human and we live lives. There's nothing wrong with this. God gave us life for that specific purpose. For us to live it. The problem is that it is ridiculously easy to get distracted and wrapped up in menial things, tiny things, things that aren't necessarily sins, but are weights. We get wrapped up in this life and we, intentionally or not, shove him onto the back burner.
My mom and I were talking about some things that have been going on lately, and she is actually the one who pointed out the fact that my BlackBerry is pretty much welded to my hand. She knows about the people I'm close to and knows that I'm prone to dropping everything to spend just a few minutes...okay, I'll be honest, several hours, talking about our sometimes-incredibly-average lives. It gives me ADD of sorts. I'll be focused on something, determined to spend some time on something meaningful, until I hear my cell phone ring. And my productivity goes from 100 to 0 in less than two seconds. And then, somehow in the conversation, the verse about "Be still." came up.
I hate being still. I like my alone time, but if someone wants to have a conversation, I just may want to have that conversation. I hate the idea of turning off my phone. It is completely foreign to me, and, I'll be honest, a borderline addiction. But if I don't have that still time, where I shut everything else out and focus on Him, how on earth am I supposed to get anything accomplished? If I'm focused on everything else, how am I supposed to bring my needs before Him. No, wait. Forget my needs. How am I supposed to give Him the worship that he deserves? The worship and praise that he created me to give him, regardless as to whether or not my "needs" have been met. How self-centered am I to not be willing to shut out my outside life for a little bit of communion with Him?
So, today, I made baby steps. Steps that I had been thinking about even before the phone-lunging incident. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but today, during church, I turned my phone off.
That. Sounds. So. Pathetic.
I have my Bible on my phone, but after the scriptures were read, it got turned off, and it stayed off until after church was over. And I about had a twitch. It killed me.
But like I said, baby steps. And I'm sure there will be more. And more. And more. Until I can't help but lunge myself into the presence of God.