Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Crazy Cat Lady
It is a scary bond that girl best friends have. I learned this at the bus stop today. I got there and had been in a rather foul mood all day for no good reason. I've been on one of my "I'm never going to find a good Christian guy" kicks the past few days and was waiting for the bus feeling sorry for myself when Rachel came up, also in a crabby mood.
"What's your problem?"
"I'm going to be alone forever. You?"
Scary, huh? I don't know what the deal is. I am very sick of hearing people tell me "Becky, you don't need a guy."
Noooooo. Really? I thought I was about ready to fall over dead because I don't have one. I know I don't need a guy. But I really want one. When I had never had a guy like me it was cause to pout, but it really never bothered me as much as now. I know what I am missing now. Well, the good stuff I am missing. People tell me, "Now remember how things with you and Jordan turned out. Do you really want to rush into that again?" First off, I get really irritated when they say stuff like that because they don't know anything about the relationship. It was good at first, he was nice, and then when it went into the crapper he just wouldn't go away. From what I have heard, usually once a guy dumps you they leave you alone. If I knew every relationship was going to end up like that then I would swear off guys. However, I see happy people (yes, even in high school) who have been together for extended periods of time and I think it would be nice to have something like that. I know the good stuff that I am missing. I miss the phone calls every Friday night and the letters in the mail every couple of weeks or so and frequent e-mails. I really miss having just a guy to hang out with. I don't really have many guy friends anymore and it would be nice to have someone to talk to whose mood doesn't go up and down once a month (if you know what I mean *grin*) I think I would be happy with even that. Just to have someone of the opposite gender to talk to once in a while. (Don't look at me like that. My best friend was a guy for 7 years. They aren't a completely alien concept to me.)
Then again, maybe my whole perspective of this subject is tainted because of how my only relationship ended and how I have liked the same guy for almost nine years. I really feel .lke I'm pathetic. Either that or I have a sign on my back saying "Only gay or retarded guys need apply". I had a guy in Bio I flirting with me today. Either that or he was drunk. I tend to lean towards the first since he a.)asked if he could work with me on this stupid project. b.) kept leaning towards me during the class. c.)and was making stupid jokes. Clearly signs of flirtation or meth use.
I don't know what is wrong with me (Oh I can see the comments I will get on this statement now) but it really irritates me. I don't want to be a crazy cat lady.