On Grace

Recently, I did something stupid.

“That’s not unusual,” you might say, “You frequently do stupid things.”

Well, first of all, that was so rude of your internal monologue that I just made up to say. Second of all... you do have a point. I really do.

But this was a paramount incident of stupidity. I knew it was stupid. And I did it anyway. And I felt bad before I did the stupid thing. And I felt really bad after the stupid thing. Not immediately after. But it didn’t take too long.

I didn’t talk to God for a little bit after I did the stupid thing. I was ashamed and didn’t think I was worthy to have him listen to me. And finally, I told him just that. That I didn’t deserve to have him hear my apologies. That I had really blown it and screwed up big time. I didn’t deserve his mercy or grace.

And I feel like God looked at me for a second. And he looked at me with a blank expression and then breathed a really loud “Psssshh!” before bursting out into a major LOL session.

Well, that’s not nice, God. I get that I was stupid, but must you laugh at me? I mean, you’re the Almighty and I don’t tell you how to do your job, but sheesh. Ouch.

After God got done doubling over with laughter, he breathed a big sigh and put his hand on my shoulder. “Bex,” he said, “You didn’t deserve the mercy and grace before. That’s why it’s called mercy and grace. What makes you think that this is bigger than anything else you’ve brought to me? Don’t you realize that I’m God? You’re human. You mess up. Don’t sweat it. Don’t do it anymore, but don’t sweat it.”

And then he picked up my dirty laundry and through it in the washing machine.  And the nice thing is that my sins aren’t made of a very durable fabric. They won’t just shrink in the laundry.

They’ll disappear for good.