Saturday, June 13, 2009


I was always told that the friends I had in elementary school would probably not stick with me until the end. I didn't ever want that to be true, but lo and behold, as time went on, I only kept one or two friends from elementary school.

I've always envied people that have best friends who are there from the time that they're three until the time they have kids. I always wanted to have lifelong friends.

Until I got into my freshman year of high school, I never had a best friend that I did everything with and went everywhere with. I had a best friend and we played at church and I went to her house. But my freshman year, I found a "grown-up" best friend, I guess you could say. We were practically inseperable. We had classes together, we practically lived at each other's houses, we walked downtown all the time. We did Christmas shopping and studied for exams together. When she fell down the stairs and got a concussion, I went over to her house and sat with her to make sure she didn't do anything dumb under the influence of way too many painkillers. I was at her house when I got the call that Tiffany died.

For the past four years, she's been my best friend. We were going to go to the same college, until I changed to a bible school, and although we seemed to argue a lot, I didn't think anything of it because all friends fight, right? It wasn't a big deal.

Then, it started. She got mad at me one day after I called her out on badmouthing one of my other friends.  She was constantly talking about people behind their backs and never seemed to have anything nice to say about any of them. She felt the need to tell me how to run my life and tell others how to run theirs. The girls that we always hated and said that we would kill ourselves if we resorted to such a low; that's what she became.

She wouldn't talk to me on Graduation Sunday. The week before, she told me that she couldn't come to my graduation party because she had "too many others to go to". She sent me a text that said "Congratulations" a few hours after we graduated, she didn't show up at my party, and then I didn't hear from her for three days.

I heard through the grapevine that she was mad at me. I don't know why. She didn't ever tell me why she all of the sudden started acting the way that she did. The week before, we took pictures at our career center graduation, both excited to be done, hugging each other and jumping up and down because we would graduate in a week.

I finally sent her a text on Thursday, asking her what the heck was going on. She blamed me for everything, bringing up stupid, petty stuff which she was just as guilty of, and once I brought this up, she stopped sending me messages. I haven't heard from her since Thursday morning.

I can honestly say I tried. I wanted to keep my friend. I can't stand people hating me or being mad at me.  I've been through this with her before. A couple of years ago, when I thought I was moving, she got mad at me and stopped talking to me for about a week. We went out for coffee and it was all good. We went to school and stayed friends. We don't have the motivation of classes after the weekend to make us friends again. Coffee and a muffin isn't going to fix this. I don't know if we ever will be friends again.

I can honestly say that I'm okay right now. It's crappy, don't get me wrong. I miss having my friend to call when something happens. I hope things go well for her in the future. But, I can't do this anymore, and it doesn't do me any good to cry about it. I think I'm just going to be done.

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