Thursday, May 21, 2009

An Informative Letter

Dear Family, Friends, and Officials at Kent State expecting my my dad's money this spring,

Please don't have a heart attack, stroke, seizure, mental breakdown, descent into depression, but I have to tell you something. Some of you will jump up and down with joy, others of you will cry and scream, "Why {religious/political figure here}, why?", because not all of you are Christians, which should add to the fun of me giving you this news.

I know that I have babbled non-stop for the past several months about how much I love Kent State and how much of a passion for fashion I have. Kent is great and I would love to be a student there, like about fifty other people from my graduating class. However, despite my babbling, it's not going to happen.

You see, for the past couple of months, I've been struggling with my calling and my future. I've been trying to force my will into my life. It's been a constant battle between what want to do and what I'm supposed to do. Fashion is great, but education is my calling.

Of course, Kent State has this program, so there's no reason for alarm, correct?

Um, yeah, about that......

Since I was little, I knew that college was in my future. I was going to grow up, get a degree, make lots of money, and put my poor husband to shame. In my mind, it's always been a four-year college. I looked at Marymount, Akron, Ashland, Xavier, Marietta, and a bunch of others. I settled on Kent State.

Bible school never entered my mind. I didn't take that option seriously because there wasn't really anything lucrative available with a Bible degree. I never looked at IBC or Gateway and wasn't like all of the other little girls in my Sunday school and youth group screaming, "I want to be like THOSE people! I want to sing in the chorale! I wanna go to BIBLE SCHOOL!" I think that on more than one occasion, I have actually uttered the words, "God would have to work a miracle for ME to go to Bible school."

Last night, my life was changed. I didn't ask for a change. I asked for some direction in what to do. While doing what I wanted. At the college I wanted.

Last night, a guy stood up on the platform from Gateway, and told his story about struggling with the decision between what he wanted to do and what he was called to do. He called it being addicted to his career and talked about the deliverance he received.

Last night, I wept because I knew what I was supposed to do, but something was holding me back. "God, give me a sign!"

A girl came up to me, and she asked me if there was something she could pray with me about. "I feel like I've had my life all planned out, and now my life's being turned upside down because God keeps telling me to do stuff."

The girl told me, "You know, I was once where you are. I had my life planned out, knew what I wanted to do, didn't have any plans to go to Bible school or anything. I didn't want to do this. I then surrendered my life to Christ, and followed his will instead of my own. It brought me here. My life became fulfilled and happy when I came to Gateway. God has a plan for you, and when you seek it, you'll be happy."

She prayed with me and then left. At this point, I felt like what I had asked God for had been given. I went over to my parents and told them, still crying, "I'm not supposed to go to Kent State."

Last night, I stayed up until about one and filled out the application and wrote my admissions essay. I have tracked down two references. I thought I would be torturously depressed because I wasn't supposed to go to Kent State, but I'm not. I have complete peace and I know what I'm supposed to do for once in my life.

This morning, I went to my guidance counselor, gave her a dollar for my transcript request, and asked her to change the place for my final transcript request, and my intended college in the commencement program. She gave me a funny look, but said, "Yes, that's no problem. Why the change of heart?"

"I don't think it's where I'm supposed to be at this point."

"That sounds good to me."

Matthew 6:33-34a
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.

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