Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Dislike America

I am a proud American, but I dislike America. 

Maybe it's not that I dislike America, but more that I don't like the people in the country. 

Case in point- Cinco de Mayo. Today is a Mexican holiday. We as Americans have adopted it as our own (see: St.Patrick's Day) and turned it into a reason to party all night in the name of Mexican independence. Which isn't even the reason for the holiday, by the way. (Read Chantell's post for more info on this.) So, what was an original Mexican holiday is now an excuse for college students and other various "responsible adults" whose Spanish vocabulary consists of "taco", "margarita", and "cerveza" to go out and party, drinking margaritas and celebrating in the name of a culture which they know nothing about.

I dislike people my age. Not a day goes by that I don't log onto Facebook and see the most hideous grammar, spelling, and punctuation on the planet. How hard is it, people, to write out the word "you" and not embellish every other word with a smiley face or an "lol"?

I mean, seriously. Today, within ten minutes, the following posts popped up:

 cinco de maayyooooo out with the my fraaaanssss


Gummy bears and sour worms tomorrow!!! bring yo moeny fool! ^^

I wanted to cry and then find these people and beat them down. Why do our English teachers slave over lesson plans and assign us essays to teach us proper grammar and punctuation and form, only to have such imbeciles belittle and deface the English language? It's right up there with Mrs. Lemon's issue with "peaceeee". We do this crap and then wonder why countries think that Americans are a bunch of fat, lazy, ignorant idiots? Come on, people. Have some sense. 

Other posts with angry, I-Hate-People themes include:


Others are probably out there, but I can't find them.

In closing, I would like to leave you with a poem by the great Taylor Mali.

Totally, Like, Whatever, You Know?

In case you hadn't noticed, 
it has somehow become uncool 
to sound like you know what you're talking about? 
Or believe strongly in what you're saying? 
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s 
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences? 
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called 
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true 
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip 
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know? 
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this; 
this is just like the word on the street, you know? 
It's like what I've heard? 
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay? 
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction? 
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked? 
Have they been, like, chopped down 
with the rest of the rain forest? 
Or do we have, like, nothing to say? 
Has society become so, like, totally . . . 
I mean absolutely . . . You know? 
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . . 

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness 
is just a clever sort of . . . thing 
to disguise the fact that we've become 
the most aggressively inarticulate generation 
to come along since . . . 
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you, 
I challenge you: To speak with conviction. 
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks 
the determination with which you believe it. 
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker, 
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY. 
You have to speak with it, too.

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