Friday, April 24, 2009

What Do You Want To Be?

I always loved for grown-ups to ask me this stuff. I loved to talk, incessantly, and because of this, the question of what I wanted to be would lead to a ten minute discussion about how I wanted to be a doctor, I had always wanted to be a doctor and how I was never, ever, ever grossed out by blood, nuh-uh, I would eat pizza and watch open heart surgeries with my daddy, so I was going to be a doctor and help people, yep.

I still have those occasional days where I'm wistful and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't slacked off and given up on that. What if I had decided that I was supposed to be a doctor and actually went after it. A girl in the senior class this year got into NEOUCOM and University of Akron. That was my dream. I wanted to go there and be a doctor. I was going to graduate in six years and work in an emergency room.Then I took Physiology, didn't do well, and decided that it wasn't for me. But I kind of slacked in that class, let's be honest. What if I hadn't given up? Maybe I would be starting school on June 8, too. I'll never know.

Then, a couple of years ago, I went through a phase where I wanted to major in Theatre Arts. I love to act. I love being on stage. I like to be the center of attention. But, well, I suck. I'm not that good. I'm only on stage for 57 seconds for a reason. I'm not that good. I would be slaughtered as a Theatre Arts major. I love the feeling of being onstage, and the idea of never doing it again after Saturday night absolutely kills me. I wish that I had tried harder. I wish that I had natural born talent that would take me to Broadway. I wish that I could play Elphaba, Roxie, and Sophie.That would be amazing. I would love every day of that.

Then, who could forget the various brands of teacher that I've wanted to be throughout the years. Special ed, History, and English have pretty much all been kicked out because of my experiences with Teacher Academy. Preschool and Kindergarten, yes, I could do those.

Most people don't know about the brief phase where I wanted to be a lawyer. My dad and I talked about going to law school and opening our own tort firm. That lasted for about two months. I would make a crappy lawyer.

Then, there are the wedding dresses. The fabulous yards of silk, tulle, and chiffon that make me want to break out into a musical number everytime I'm near them. I could be a bridal consultant, a wedding gown buyer, a wedding planner. There are so many possibilities.

Why is it, that at 18, I'm not allowed to drive, I can't live on my own, according to state law, I can't rent a car, I haven't graduated school yet, but I'm expected to know what I want to do with my life. When I was little, I loved for people to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now it just irritates me. Because I need to know, but I don't.

I hate that I'm limited by one career. I hate that, no matter what people say, people can't be whatever they want to be. The person who thought that cliche up was obviously a communist. Some people just can't be certain things. They don't have the talents or strengths needed to do everything. I wish I did, but I don't, either.

Maybe that's why the Hindus and Buddhists are so peaceful. They know that if they pick one career and hate it, they'll get to come back in the next life and try something else. Good for them.


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