Monday, November 10, 2008

I'm Mad

I thought I was okay.

I tweeted earlier that my day had a pro side and a con side. The pros were kind of buried buy the legion of cons, but I managed to not be upset (well, a little, but not overwhelmingly) and, well, thought I was okay.

Then  I started to stew.

I talked to a friend about one of the problems. Her reply of, "Well, he's not exactly stupid!" probably wasn't meant to make me upset, but once she said that I kind of felt like hanging up on her after yelling, "Well, DUH! I knew THAT!" and throwing the BlackBerry across the room. Instead I said, "Of course not." and continued on with the conversation until she said she had to go.

I was proud of myself.

And then I actually THOUGHT about the real reason I'm ticked off (completely seperate from the above mentioned situation. I've just had a lot of suckage rear it's ugly head today.), the reason I've been upset for the past week that kind of imploded today.

I have, well, maybe the better word is "had", a friend. We became friends about a year and a half ago when we both had to sit out of gym for half of a semester because she had mono and I popped my knee out of place. We've been in debate together this year and have had a lot of fun. It was one of those "mean" friendships, where you're extremely snarky and say things that you both think are hilarious while everyone on the outside is thinking, "Dear God, those people HATE each other!"

To make a long story short, in a conversation I said something, not even something mean this time, and she snapped on me. I thought she was having a bad day and just discredited as that and thought, "Ah, she'll get over it by Monday." So, on Monday I went to talk to her and she blew me off, and over the course of the week, she went out of her way to avoid me- sitting on the other side of the computer lab, blowing me off even more, etc. My best guy friend pretty much adores her, as well as being my best guy friend, so I told him what had happened. Although he likes her, he understands her moody tendencies, but even HE thought that was weird, so he talked to her.

He wouldn't even tell me about the conversation at first. When I made him, he told me that she had told him that we were never really friends. He pointed out that we had always joked around with each other and had fun and she replied, "The fun's over". He told her to apologize and she walked away.

And then, poor guy, HE apologizes to me. It's not his fault (a fact which I attempted to beat into his head and think FINALLY got across) but he still feels like the Poopsmith for telling me what she said. That kind of made me mad at her. For a brief moment I fought the urge to track her down and go all Rosalie Hale on her. And then I thought about it, and decided if she was going to be petty like that, I didn't care.

After this whole conversation, I was in a good mood. She was a jerk, he was my friend, life is semi-crappy, but yet good, and I would live.

I was thinking that I was making progress in the anger-management department.

And then I thought about it. What did I ever do to HER? I went out of my way to be especially nice to her, only showing good-humored meanness when she did, and trying my hardest not to be a jerk, because she has the perception, as an atheist, that all Christians are up to no good. Apparently, I was the exception. What happened?

So, for the moment, I think I've changed my mind.

I'll still live.

I'm just going to be infuriated for a while.

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