Tuesday, January 16, 2007

How do I loathe thee?

Angelique, the Best Teen Weblog winner in the Bloggies last year, has a blog that I regularly read. Despite the occasional profuse language (which I try to dodge), she has the occasional make-you-fall-off-your-seat-funny tidbits and some posts that I relate to fairly well. For example, on the tenth of every month she writes a (harsh) letter to her ex- Mr.X. I think it is too far from the whole thing to do that, but today when I was really bored and just sitting here I remembered that this day two years ago was the day that my life (unknowingly) became much more complicated.

I don't really know why I remember that date. I forgot all about it until today. Last year, I thought about it and bawled for a while. This year I'm like "I was so stupid. What was I thinking? Was I really that desperate?"

I remember coming home from church that night. It was eventful because (once again, no idea why I remember this) I had a scab split and I was wearing hose. Ouchie. So, me and my Mr.X had been e-mailing back and forth that weekend and I had suspected something was up (we weren't together yet) because he was asking for my picture and yada yada yada. So, Mom comes in and she tells me that (this was before I had my Yahoo! address and the whole family had one inbox) MX e-mailed me. I asked her why she was telling me this, because I was going to check my mail in a minute anyway. She goes, "Ok, well, if you don't wanna check it." I ran into the living room and saw the (at the time) best e-mail I had ever recieved. MX liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. I cheered and had to go through the still-present process of asking my Grandpa, Uncle Mike, and Uncle Peter (and Dad of course) if I could go out with him. They all approved (somewhat) and I e-mailed him back. The month after this was kind of blah as I look back on it. A few e-mails, and he promised to meet me at mid-winter (he never did). Later on he sent me an e-mail which ticked off me and my parents a little bit.

Have you told your parents about you and me? I haven't told mine yet. It's not like I don't want to or that I am embarassed to or anything, it's just hard to, you know?

I spent no time in replying-

You have got to tell your parents NOW. My parents have known since Day 1, they've seen the e-mail and everything. *

*-e-mails may not be exact wording as I don't have them anymore.

Contact was limited for the next week. I went to the Valentines Banquet at church, knowing that the end was near, and crying a bunch of the night. On Valentines Day, I got an e-mail saying that he was dumping me. I got it the day after and was by myself. My parents had called to warn me that there was an e-mail that I wouldn't like in the inbox. Basically it had a bunch of bologna about how things were difficult for him, and he couldn't tell me why but (and here's the oh-no-he-didn't line) "can we just be friends?" I cried and curled up with a box of Oreos and my friend Jess on the phone. My parents took me to Olive Garden for dinner to comemerate my first break-up. When I got home I had another e-mail from MX apologizing and asking me to be his girlfriend again. This is the part of the story where I slam my head against the wall yelling "YOU IDIOT! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!?!?!"
I told him he had to talk to his parents first, that we were taking a month off, and that we would talk about a relationship at the end of the month. My parents warned me that this was a bad idea. I didn't listen.

That March I said yes again. This time the relationship was less blah. He sent letters weekly and called at least once a week. We still e-mailed daily. He called on each "anniversary". I was happy. In June we had camp. Camp is the time where you flaunt your relationshippiness. We did so. Spending every second we could together. Ick. We also worked camps together. This had a twist I was not prepared for. Which I should have been.

On July 6, MX became bipolar. I swear he did. That morning he met me after work and we hung out. He was his sweet (haha) self. As usual we went to the ice cream parlor with our friends James and Tia, which is when I started to notice that he was acting wierd. He wouldn't talk to me and was ignoring me. We had gotten into our first fight 6 days earlier about stupid stuff. I came back onto campus, grabbed my friend Brittany's arm, dragged her to the bathroom (why is that a girls meeting place?) and started to cry. "Brittany, he's gonna dump me. He's gonna dump me!" I wailed. "No he's not." We should have bet on it. I would have won.

I left the bathroom and MX met me out in the courtyard. "Do you really wanna know why I am mad?" Nooooooooooo. I looove sitting here watching you steam over me, feeling hated and wondering why you have suddenly turned into a monster. But just for kicks..."Yes, I want to know why, please." He took a deep breath like he was going to reenact the Gettysburg Address or something and said (this is where I insert commentary. I didn't get that luxury then), "Well, your always picking fights with me about stupid stuff( Picking on you for eating Peanut Butter M&M's and sweetened tea is not picking a fight) and then you went and told everyone an=bout the ice cream thing and made me look bad (Ok, here's this story. Me, MX, Tia, and James went to the Ice Cream Parlor. James is very ooey gooey and offers to buy Tia anything in sight. Me and MX pay for our own. Me and Tia find the opposites in our boyfriends humorous. I mention this to my friend, Gabby, in passing, who teases MX about it. Is that telling EVERYONE?)" He goes on for about 10 minutes, I never get to say my side, and he throws the whole fight back in my face. Should have known that would get blamed on me. We sit there for about 15 minutes, not looking at each other or speaking. Various people come by and ask "Are you guys ok?" Yes, occasionally we just like to sit hear, staring blankly at nothing, while I am crying. Here's your sign. Finally, MX just gets up and walks away. He doesn't say anything to me, but I sort of get the idea. But to my naive little mind, I think that you have dumped someone until you tell them. So, at lunch we don't speak or sit next to each other until to one of his friends he says the oh-so-crappy-unbeatable-break-up-line. Which I won't even type because I will die laughing. I ran out of the cafeteria crying.

The next day, while I, after work, crawl back into bed and can't get back out until my friends force me to go to the ice cream parlor and buy me ice cream (and I am not kidding when I say force. Lindsey dragged me out of bed. For a tiny person, she's pretty strong), he gets a new girlfriend. ( I am sparing you the whole sob story that happened the night of the break up. Thank me) This causes a whole other soap opera, which I will also spare you from. Thank me again.

So to make a very long story short this happened. He soon breached my trust 5 times more and now we don't talk anymore.


Anna Venger said...

Aw. I'm sorry. I think we all have our war stories. I'd write about some of mine, but they'd be too embarassing and it was so long ago now. But your tale certainly brings back memories, with a twist of humor stirred in.

~Virginia~ said...

Sigh. Teen angst. I remember it well. Sorry your 1st relationship was so sucky! They get better--I promise! It's a cliche, I know, but I swear it's true!

The best thing to do is to write about it--it's therapeutic and best of all, makes for a good laugh 10 years from now! :)

CyberCelt said...

There will be a day soon, when you will be happy that you are not with that puckhead.

If a relationship feels too intense, it probably is. Back off and think about it. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and affection.

Do not sit there again and be humiliated. Walk out, with your head held high. Turn back and look at him and wave goodbye.

God bless!

LeftCoastOnlooker said...

Hey "Chick"!
Anna's right - we all have war stories -- like the guy who travels 18 hours to visit you for a week & accidently mentions his girlfried back home, etc., etc., etc.
My pressing question is, how has it changed you? How are you wiser?
How have you grown? How can you share wisdom with your friends?

My best advice tonight - don't let him keep a corner of your heart that doesn't belong to him.

Mert said...

Guys can be such poops. It's a stereotype but true for the most part... The reason why guys are called d!ck heads is because they tend to do all of their thinking with their wiener. So sorry, but it's true.

Don't worry, one day Mr. Right will fall in your lap, out of the blue. :O) Here from the Carnival of Blogging Chicks.