Wednesday, May 17, 2006

About as insightful as I am ever gonna get..

Well, I am usually not a DEEP person but this has just been one of those days that sucks so much canal water that you can't help but think about the past. I was sitting in Algebra, my favorite place to think, because looking at my grade you wouldn't be able to tell that I do much else in that class, thinking about how much everything has changed in the past few years. I mean, if I look in my classes or in the hallways I will see people who used to be my buddies, who I used to hang with and spill my guts to. Some of them have changed in just the past little while. I have a friend who back around Christmas (and if he reads this, I am sorry but that is just how I feel, as with some of the other people who may guess I am talking about them should they read this) I had a problem and I was bawling my eyes out and he (in not the greatest way, but still) defended me and helped me. Now we only talk when doing Lit. Circles in English. There are a bunch of girls who are extremely popular and all that now, who a couple of years ago I was sitting in classes with laughing at how some words sounded funny and all of that. We don't talk anymore. The one that probably bothers me the most is one friend who I have known forever (even when we hated each other) who I can't even talk to face-to-face anymore. This is someone who I thought I could always trust and had always been there for me. We were in the group that attempted to start a 6th grade newspaper (tried being the key word), laughed at the dumbest things (like squirrels), and I could talk to about alot of things, including nothing (trust me, nothing is a subject). I mean sure we weren't "best friends" or anything but, you know, they're just one of those people who can make any friend seem like a "best friend". It's depressing. I think I give up on any social activity. Maybe I'll become one of those nuns who take a vow of silence. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it.


Theresa said...

Teenagerhood is such a tough time, Beck! It'll all come around right eventually.

The other thing you need to think about is that you have changed as much as those others have. They are probably thinking similar thoughts about you.

You are just fine the way you are and the Lord will send you the friends that you need to help you be the person HE wants you to be.

I love you and am praying for you.

Jewel said...

As Theresa said above, these are some pretty tough years you are living through. I've been there, too, so I know how tough it can be, Becky. Be thankful for the close friends you do have at the present time and cherish them.